Yet another parody about a Harry Potter book
by hyperaktive-sponge-hearde
Summary: So you've resorted to a parody. Sadly you are about to choose ours. If you REALLY want to you can, but its is very s! But MEH! Read it anyway, AND PLEASE OH PLEASE REVIEW!


Harry Potter  
And the order of the phoenix  
  
INTRO: Hello, friend, my name is Mr Twiddle. I shall be your host during this journey of self discovery, the question; why the hell are you reading  
this? There are 2 things you should know about me  
  
1: I guess you could say I am like tellie from Sesame Street, but instead  
of being obsessed with triangles, my passion is gumboots.  
  
2: I had my eyes scratched out by a gumboot.  
  
Now to the story.  
  
CHAPTER ONE:  
CHAPTER ONE  
  
The hottest day of summer so far was drawing to a close and a drowsy silence lay over the large, square houses of Privet drive. Of course, god- knows-why JK Rowling thinks this happens in England, it sounds more like bloody Australia. But lets disregard that little (BIG) mistake and get back to the plot. ("Good," said Mr Twiddle, stroking his gumboot like the bad  
guy in James bond)  
At this time, Harry Potter of number 4, was sitting in a thorn bush. Of course, since Harry seems invincible and never gets hurt by anything, it  
was like sitting in cloud nine. Harry was watching the TV through the window. On the screen at this moment, was the frightening rise of the fan girls. Harry didn't give a damn about  
the fan girls though, he was waiting for a report on Lord Voldemort. Lord Voldemort, otherwise known as Lord You-know-you-shouldn't-speak-his- name-or-he'll-smack-you-up-properly-when-he-returns, to other wizards, was  
on the loose once again. Known for his love of maiming people and poker nights, this man was not to be messed with. Harry didn't know why he was  
sitting in a thorny bush, he didn't really understand where the hell JK Rowling came up with the idea watching TV in a flower bed. Why couldn't he  
just go and watch TV at Mrs Figgs house, the cats weren't to bad, he thought. He pulled himself up out of the thorny bush and wandered out the front gate. Half way there he spotted something rustling in the bushes of  
number 6. He crept over, wand out.  
He paused to wonder what hideous, feral creature hung around bushes, a  
banshee, a vampire, a ware wolf, Aunt Petunia? What ever it was it meant one thing. MORE PUBLICITY!!! He looked around, trying to catch the attention of the paparazzi that followed him around. Hang on where was the Paparazzi? He put his wand back in his pocket, he  
certainly wasn't going to help ANYONE if publicity wasn't involved. He  
walked away. In the distance he heard the shrill scream of Ron (whose  
voice STILL hadn't broken at the age of 15) being dragged by a warewolf  
toward a man in a dark coat with red eyes, still Harry ignored it. Abandoning the TV idea, he trudged back to the house, to discover a letter  
from Hogwarts written on the back of a cornflake box.  
  
To: Youse kids,  
  
Good day! We need to remind you, incase you have forgotten about the other 4 times you have come, you have to catch the Voltzwagen parked outside the deli on Cobar Street at exactly sometime between 10:00am and 12pm on the  
28th of September (the only date we can afford to hire the van). If you don't, your basically screwed and you'll miss the next nine months of Fun  
and JOY! (yeah right) To budget cuts and the recent event involving JRR Tolkien sueing us for the use of Dobby/Smeagol, we need to do only one trip because of petrol usage.  
Please don't bring luggage, simply carry your books and we have a new  
design of robes for you at school: POTATO SACKS!  
  
This years book list includes:  
  
Charms for dummies!  
The Seven wonderful cats (sequel to: The seven wonderful kittens)  
The Roly poly puppy  
Michael Jackson: UNMASKED  
Sinbad; The Viewers Guide!  
Behind the scenes at Pine Hollow:  
What Carol REALLY does with her horse!  
  
All these books have been especially picked by Professer Dumbledore. You  
probably won't use them, but we have to have some sort of booklist. PLEASE NOTE: We can afford only one book set per year level. These are the names of the students that will have to pay 500 galleons for the book set  
  
YEAR 1: Brigita Vulfs  
YEAR 2: Molly Meldrum  
YEAR 3: Spotty Mcgotty  
YEAR 4: Barry Trotter  
YEAR 5: Ron Weasley  
YEAR 6: Lala the Tellietubbie  
YEAR 7: Carson from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy  
  
Thankyou! Remember, we need money (hint hint)  
  
From  
  
Professor Minerva Monopoly  
  
***  
  
Harry sat again in the flower bed. He didn't know why, just to humour JK Rowling he guessed. Suddenly a giant purple fliying hippo came flying out of the sky. As it flew giant sparks flew out of the back of the hippo's ass. It was towing a banner that said IGNOR ME, and also screamed out the words 'IGNORE ME' as well. It landed on the ground next to Harry. Harry then realised that the hippo was about four stories high, and was carrying none other than SIRUIS BLACK!! Harry leaped up and began galloping towards his uncle!! The hugged for a while, until Harry broke away with tears in  
his eyes.  
  
"OH SIRIUS!!!" He cried, tears streaming down his face.  
  
There was silence for a moment until, Harry spoke up 'What's with the  
hippo'  
'Oh, It's new from the Ministry of Magic, there trying it out, it's supposed to repel muggles. It seems to be doing a good job". Harry gazed  
up at the hippo to see a large crowd (maybe a thousand people) gathered  
around the hippo taking photos.  
"Errr. Right."  
  
"So. want to come over to my house for a sleepover?" Sirius twirled a  
finger around his hair.  
Harry jumped up and down, "YEAH OK!!"  
Sirius clapped his hands, "Yay! You can sleep with me and Remus if you  
like!"  
Harry looked at him sternly, "Now, now, how many times have I told you,  
dont get over excited. You toed the line when you twirled your hair. Sirius sighed, "Fine, I won't sleep with you, yeah yeah, can we go now?"  
"OK!"  
Harry and Sirius boarded the Happy purple hippo and as Sirius began adjusting the straps on the over large saddle, Harry got that evil feeling. It was that feeling that in his stomach, it was fore boarding that if he  
went any further into Sian and Loz's story he could be seriously and  
psychotically damaged. Oh well. Feeling slightly more cheerful, he  
clambered into place on the saddle.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.  
  
HOST: Well there you go, anyway, the next chapter might be issued, but it  
all depends on YOU!!! If you review it 1 time, then piss off, no more  
chappies for you, but if you review it 15 times!!! Then oh you happy  
chappy peoples, we like you, and you get a chapter!!! Yay for you!  
  
LALALALALALALALALA BYE BYE from Mr Twiddle and his gumboot.  
  
From the minds of Sian and Loz  
P.S Please don't sue us. 


End file.
